Again

The loss of life is never an experience to be desired. No one wants to go through the emotional pain nor the physical burden of sadness, especially when the path has been walked once already.
On the Sunday that celebrates life, our dreams were shattered yet again. We said "goodbye" to the little life that never had a chance to live.

Upon hearing of the coming arrival of a new sibling, my first reaction was to put up a guard. "It may hurt" my heart said as I wavered between fear of possibility and joyful expectaion. We all knew that it could happen again. It all could come to an end in heartbreak.
As I communicated this feeling to mom, her unwavering faith spoke saying that she wanted us to celebrate the life inside her for as long as God gifted it to us.
Knowing that a fearful life is not any life to live, I agreed to dream, plan... to love. We talked about our red headed curly haired little girl as if there was no doubt she would come.

The morning of the day before Easter Sunday, mom told me that she was possibly beginning to miscarry. "Pray" she said.
As I went to outside to milk the cows, I began to pray. "Please let us keep the baby."
I wanted to add "Your will" but my heart stopped that phrase before it could leave my mouth. I wanted to fully believe that healing could take place, and it felt like adding those words would increase the doubt. I knew what I wanted to happen. This would just be another false alarm, the baby would grow to term and I would hold a treasure in my arms. Somehow in that second, my faith got twisted. I wanted to maintain control over an uncontrollable situation.

In my hesitation, God pressed me until I broke to tears. "I can see the big picture" He said with love and compassion. I knew that surrender was crucial in this moment. I couldn't control the outcome by ferociously praying for what I wanted to come to pass.
Still the struggle continued as the love poured down, almost suffocating me in my stubborn resistance.
Finally surrender came, I remembered what I have known for so long.
I can't even see one step of my life in front of me, while my heavenly Father can see my whole life, my whole families lives from beginning to end.
He knows what is best for us.
Still believing, yet at last willing to fully rely on God's sovereign plan, I prayed the words "Your will be done".

Easter morning dawned and we knew what His will was.
Our red headed, curly haired little girl will dance in heaven.

Again we mourn a loss of life.
Again we are grateful to have had a chance to celebrate that life.
Again we trust in the plan that is above human knowledge.
Again we say "Blessed be the name of the Lord".

Sick Day

Today I was in bed sick all day.
So this is about all you are going to get for a post for now.
Until tomorrow...

Adorable-ness

#becauseheisjustsocrazyadorable

Love is Alive

I rose early this morning.
There is something about an Easter morning that calls me from the depth of sleep and pulls me out from under the warm covers. I have to experience this morning's sunrise.

I read the Easter story from the chapters of the book of John.
John is one of my favourite books of the bible, not only because of his unique style of writing, but also because he is able to capture God's love in the most awe-inspiring way.
Love.
Amazing love.
Dying on the cross and rising again on the third day was not something that Jesus did only out of duty or obedience. He did it because he loved us so.
The few chapters before the story of Jesus' arrest and crucifixion manifest that love. He is about to head to the Gathsemane's garden, he knows that he is about to experience emotional agony, brute torture, then death on the cross. Yet he takes the time to comfort, reassure and prepare the hearts of the ones that he loves.
He took the time to pray for them even as he spoke the words "the hour is come".

And so the story goes, laced with love.
Not only in the enormity of becoming the Saviour of the world.
Not only in that he bore our stripes and took our sin upon Him in death.
Not only as he conquered the grave and rose again that we might have eternal life through Him.
But it was also shown in the smaller, more personal things.
Speaking to his earthly mother just before he drew his last breath.
Talking with Mary Magdalene before ascending to His Father.
Appearing to his disciples, then re-appearing to silence the doubts of one.
Giving Peter a chance to redeem himself as he asked the question "Do you love me?".
Through his life, his death and his resurrection He loved.
He IS love, and He continues to share himself with anyone who is willing to open up their heart to receive.

This morning I experienced that awesome love.
I saw it in the hues of a sunrise.
I felt it in the fresh crisp morning air.
I heard it in the sound of a mourning dove's song.
And in my heart, bursting with joy and wonder, I knew,

Love is alive.

Before and After

So, I already mentioned a while ago that we were in the midst of painting the main area of our house. It was a very interesting/crazy/stressful/fun time. We painted the entire designated area once then decided that it just didn't work for our house nor our tastes. So, while keeping the grey colour the same, we re-painted the kitchen and music room.

I took some pictures at the beginning of our painting adventures, but as the days went on, and on and on... we tired of painting, and I tired of picture taking. The only colours that you see being put on are the ones that were on before we changed our minds. Except for the last three... that is the red that stayed in the entrance to the bathroom (also the colour we painted in the kitchen).

 I really loved this colour. 

It looked cool with the goldfish. :)

Here are the before and after pictures.

 Before

After

Before

After

Before

After

 In the picture above as well as the "after" picture below you can see that we painted the inside of the toy room the same orange as the music room

Before

After

Before

After

 Before

#neededtodothedishes

 After

 Before

After

This music room is not yet decorated, nor organized (our house was still in a sort of disarray when I took these "after" pictures). 

 So that is it.

What do you think???

(Besides the fact that our house needs tidying? :)

Our Hero

For when we were yet without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly.

For scarcely for a righteous man will one die: 

yet peradventure for a good man some would even dare to die.

But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, 

while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. 

Much more then being now justified by His blood, 

we shall be saved from wrath through Him.

For if, when we were enemies, we were reconciled to God by the death of His Son, much more, being reconciled, we shall be saved by His life.

Romans 5:6-10

Today we remember 

how Jesus made the choice 

to die on the cross 

that He might become 

the Savior of the world.

Run in Spring

"I want to become a runner"

Those were the words that I wrote at the beginning of this year on my New Years Resolution blog post.
At the time I had high hopes of doing intense treadmill training so that I would be ready to "hit the road running" come spring time.
Unfortunately I found a huge lack of physical motivation when it came to the treadmill. I guess my newfound love for outdoor running sucked all of it away.
Over the winter, while I did do some running, I did not even come close to meeting the goals that I had set for myself.

This spring has been torture. Because of the cold weather I have been able to run outdoors some, but not nearly as consistent as needed to get into shape. But I've been making good use of all of those warm days... and hopefully spring will soon come to stay!

I have been approaching training a little bit different this year then last. Instead of working on both speed and distance at the same time, I am working on increasing my speed in a three mile restriction until I reach my goal. I will then gradually increase my distance at that pace.
While it is hard for me to keep my distance at three miles, I know that my tendency is to push myself to hard, which ultimately results in injury. So it has been good for me to take it more slow and steady.
So far I have been able to hit a PR each time I run outside this year which has been hugely motivating for me.
Today I actually came in 18.4 seconds short of my goal and only .06 min/mile off of my desired pace. I am getting closer!!

I have also been doing lots of core training, which has made a huge difference. It has helped me to correct my form while running (something I really needed to work on!) as well as has made me feel stronger all around.

So ya, that there is my running update for y'all.
And hey, any runners out there? I would love to hear any tips or tricks that have worked for you in your journey to becoming a runner.