My little secret

Almost twenty-four.
Single.
Living at home.
Never been in a relationship.

Sometimes when I look at the résumé of my life, I wonder what people must think of me. Or rather, how they must think I think of me.
Basically all of who I am goes against what is normal. I wouldn't blame people for thinking me strange, or stuck, or naive.
Controlled, blinded, brainwashed... I am sure those thoughts have crossed the minds of some outside looking in.

I am okay with others viewing me in this way, because they don't know me. They don't know my thought process, they don't know the heart of why I am who I am.
They don't hear my conversations with God, they don't know the kind of relationship that we have.

Once upon a time, I was eighteen. I thought I knew what my life was about. What this journey of waiting would be like. If I had known that six years would go by and I would still be struggling through that same journey, I would have despaired.
But I have found this secret. It is a secret that doesn't just apply to the way that I choose to live my life, but to anyone who is walking in the path that God has placed them on.

A lot of people would assume that I am the type of woman who's one and only purpose in life is to get married and have a family. And it was, when I was that eighteen year old girl dreaming of my future. But I have come to know that the reason that I am here on this earth is not to get married, have a family, not to have a career, not to find a place in the world, not to live out what I think would be the best scenario for my life.

My purpose on the earth is to be the woman that God created me to be, and to live out the calling that He has placed on my life. This is my secret.
Because I am living my life with one goal, I can trust.
 I have someone that I can share all of my hopes and dreams with. And then I can come away knowing that He has plans for my life that are even bigger then what I dreamed or hoped

It really makes my heart sad to see young people who are on the same journey of waiting, yet are unhappy, miserable and desperate. These are the same that I find are settling for second best, or jumping at any opportunity just because it came along.

I can be happy, joyful because I am living already. I am not waiting for someone to come along so that I can begin my life. I am seeking first His Kingdom, growing in my personal relationship with Him, and doing my best to reach the world with His arms of love.

The waiting is not easy.
I get lonely.
I have doubts.
Until I find myself in Jesus' arms, and He tells me that if I put Him first, He will take care of me. He will do what is best for me.

I used to say all the time that I live for Jesus. But I didn't know what that meant. I didn't know that in those words held the key to joy and fulfillment.
It is a simple concept, but a hard reality. Yet the rewards to the mindset of a life lived for Christ and nothing else are mind blowing.
I have already reaped the benefits by feeling an overwhelming sense of peace. And an assurance that I am on the right path.
Even though my life looks crazy to most people, it is my life. And until I hear God clearly telling me to move, I stand.
I stand still and wait.
I can smile because I love Jesus, I live for Jesus, and He is everything that I need.
A husband, a family... whatever else is extra.
I have learned that singleness is not a curse. It is a unique blessing that is not to be thrown aside as insignificant.
I would doubt that I would be as close as I am to Jesus, if I had not embarked on the journey of waiting.

So you single people that cannot wait to get hitched. Stop being so impatient.
Learn to live every season.
To eat the grass that is on THIS side of the fence until God opens the gate.
Because I am telling you... it can be every bit as tasty.