Learning to Trust

Trust in the Lord, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed.

Delight thyself also in the Lord; and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart.

Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in Him; and He shall bring it to pass.

And He shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday.

Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him. 

Psalm 37:3-7a 

Trust. I thought I knew what it meant to trust.
I thought I had fully placed my life, my future, my hopes, and all of my dreams in God's hands.
But it is easy to say when life is rolling along smoothly, and everything is normal.
Sure, there is a level of trust in God that you maintain in every day living, but when your path takes a turn into the unknown, it is a very different story.

I'm a little bit (quite a bit if you ask some people ;) of a control freak. Things that are out of my control, they freak me out. Living in a large family has helped me out with this, but I still struggle sometimes with keeping my hands open to whatever God has in store.

Recently I have been placed in a situation that is completely out of my hands. With my life and future hanging in the balance, my initial reaction was complete trust. As I walked and prayed one day, I told God that I trusted Him, that He could do what He thought was best, and it was like He answered with "Do you really?".
Shortly thereafter the way became more unstable, increasingly terrifying, and I struggled for a few days to get back to the place of trust. It seemed like as soon as I would get back there, I was thrown for another emotional ride, and I'd find my stronghold of trust shaken.

It was like God was building it little by little. Gifting me with these moments of rest in-between the struggle to rise higher in the level of trust.
The truth is that my world is still up in the air. And the truth also likely is that I still have much to learn in the trusting God department.
But here is my "So far" story.

One of the first things I learned about trusting is that it is all about knowing Who is in control.
I can say God is in control, but do I really believe it? Do I really KNOW that no matter the kind of mistakes we make as human beings, or the paths that we decide to take, God isn't surprised by them? He foretold them, He already knows the choices that we are going to make, and better still, He is guiding us to make the right decisions in our lives. Not only that, but also the decisions others make that affects our lives.
He isn't up there up in heaven just holding His breath wondering what His children are going to do next, rather He is up there orchestrating our lives, supernaturally inspiring us, and guiding us.
My job as His child, is not to try to take control of the happenings of my life, but rather to trust that He has it covered. He is waiting for me to lay all of my hopes and dreams out before Him. He wants me to ask in faith for the things that I desire, but then to wait, and watch Him bring it all to pass.
Ask, seek, and knock, but then rest, and wait patiently for Him.

During this intense season of waiting, I have committed to focus on seeking His kingdom, which has not been an easy task.
It would be so much easier to wallow in the mire of what ifs, and could have beens, or even maybes. To simply hold my breath, and not move a muscle until everything is resolved.

But the bible says to delight ourselves in Him FIRST.
To commit our way to Him, and trust in Him FIRST.
And you know what, through all of this, and because of this, I have drawn so much closer to the heart of my Father.

Finally, I have learned not to focus on the waves.
You know the story in the bible of Peter walking on the water towards Jesus in the midst of the storm? When he saw the waves, and doubted God, he began to sink.
In this journey, there would be times when I would see the waves, and start freaking out say "Hey! There is a big one coming God! I don't think I can walk on this water anymore!". But He has taught me in those times just to take a breath, and focus on Him. To trust that He won't let me drown. Then to keep walking, having faith that He will sustain me. He will bring me through.

As my heavenly Father, God not only WANTS what is best for me, He KNOWS what is best for me.
I have chosen to trust in His perfect plan, that He will bring to pass in His perfect time.