Grow

On Saturday I set out to run eight miles. I brought my iPod along and turned on a sermon, the question popped up on the screen "Do you want to play the "up next" list when this podcast is finished?" I said yes, not knowing which podcasts were there (actually, I didn't even know that there was an "up next" playlist. :)

The first sermon I chose was about how we tend to allow distractions to pull us away from our calling and mission as God's children, to show others the way to Jesus Christ and His salvation. 

Now, that whole week I had been troubled because of this very issue. I could even go so far as to say that I was doubting my calling to be what "they" call  a stay-at-home daughter. 

It is hard, especially living on a farm out in the boonies, not being in contact with people other than church family very often, to be sure of this calling. During the week I had taken a look back on my life and panicked because I saw how little I was reaching out to people. I worried that I had missed it.

I was doubting that I heard Him right. Maybe being at home was just seeing me hiding from what I am really supposed to be doing. Maybe I was being a coward.

I was thinking about all of these things as I continued to run mile after mile. The message ended, and the next one played automatically. The sermon was one of a visiting pastor to a church that I listen to podcast of regularly. It was half-way in as I had been listening to it the last time I ran. 

Honestly, I would never have turned this particular podcast on myself because when I had been listening to it previously, I wasn't getting much out of it.

I was surprised that the very first words the preacher said tied right in with what the last preacher was talking about. By this time I was like "Ok God, I am listening now!". And in my mind was already in a airplane headed for the mission field.

The preacher then began a story about how when he was little, his dad would take him hunting, letting him carry an unloaded gun. Being a little boy, he would make a lot of noise and scare away the game until his dad told him to stop running around, be quiet, and step where he stepped. For three years, he carried a unloaded gun, having the tool to hunt, but being restricted by his father.
The preacher said that he didn't ever shoot anything, but he did learn how to be like his dad as he followed in his footsteps.

The words that struck a cord in my heart were when he said that God wants us to use the time "without bullets" to get ourselves in a position to hunt for the kingdom. To learn to step where God steps.
Also to make the most of the season that we are in and not to try to get ahead of God's picture, God's story, because He has a plan, and is writing it the way that will bring Him the most glory.

I began to cry right there in the middle of the road so hard that I had to stop running. These were questions that I hadn't even started asking yet, they were only doubts that were beginning to form. And in that moment His love and care for me overwhelmed me because He answered all of my fears and wondering with peace. This was God's way of assuring me that I am doing the right thing. I am still learning, and that's ok.

I wanted to share this with you all because I know that there are some of you out there that are also in the season of waiting. Waiting can be harder than being out there visibly active for God, because I find myself constantly asking if I am doing enough for Him.
It takes faith to be still. It takes courage to stand firm in your calling.
All I can say is, use this season to grow. Grow until you are bursting through the ceiling. And be confident that God will let you know when it is time to move on to the next season of your life. Because he will.
He loves you enough.