Saturday, March 8, 2014

Though I don't know your name

Photograph credit: Joanna Froese

We need balance.
Basically with and in every single area of life.
There are two ends to every spectrum. Extremities to every situation.
God has created the perfect balance, that middle ground, a "sweet spot". It is a place that a lot of people fail to recognize at times (myself included) which is why we have legalism, addicts, workaholics, extreme moral deprivation... the list could go on.
Christianity can often bear confusion and misleading because of this need for balance. There are places in Scripture where the writer will teach on a subject in a radical fashion, then bring it home with a reminder to retain even ground.

There seems to always be two opposite concepts that need to be brought together and balanced in perfect harmony in order to reach a perfected state.

I have recently come to the revelation that this bodes the same in regard to the life of a single person.
I wrote a post a couple of years back entitled "Content in Singleness". In it I stressed the importance of resting in the fact that God has our future in His hands as well as to not let these days of single life slip by uselessly.
As time unceasingly flowed by and the years of my life continued on without the prospect of a future husband in my life, I became afraid. Afraid that I would fail to prohibit that hope from consuming my life. I was afraid that I would find myself becoming desperate.
Without even realizing it, in my valient effort to not let that happen, I quenched that hope, that desire, that dream little by little until there was barely a small flame left burning. It became easier to succumb to the fact that I may end up being single my entire life, then to struggle with my desire for a significant other.
It wasn't like I was depressed about it. I had just become more than okay with it.
Whenever someone mentioned something about my future with a husband/family, I would roll the eyes of my heart. My thoughts and even sometimes my words would reply negativly.
I stopped praying for him every night as I had since I turned eighteen. I stopped writing to him in the journal I hoped to present to him on our wedding day.

Had this been something that I replaced with a deeper and more intimate relationship with Christ. Then I could say that it was of God. But instead it had been replaced with a restlessness and emptyness.
It was such a subtle change that I didn't even recognize it. That is until one evening as I was washing the dishes, and listening to the words of an Anthem Lights song called "Hide your love away".
The song goes like this…

I don't know your name yet
I've never even seen your face
I'm looking with my eyes wide open
Till I find you in the right time and place

Hide your love away and wait for me, wait for me
I will do the same; wait for me, wait for me
There will come a day, when I will finally say
Staring in your eyes, I've waited my whole life
For this night

Every day your prayed for
And I'm dreaming of you every night
Wherever you are right now
Your already the love of my life

I'm holding on for you, my heart belongs to you
Your everything that I adore
I'm holding on for you, my heart belongs to you
Darling your love is spoken for

Hide your love away and wait for me, wait for me
I will do the same; wait for me wait for me
With every breath you take; wait for me, wait for me
I will do the same; wait for me, oh, wait for me
There will come a day, when I will finally say
Staring in your eyes, I've waited my whole life
For this night

As I listened to the words of this song that evening, I imagined my possible future husband singing the words. 
Hide your love away.
With every breath you take, wait for me.

I then searched within myself and realized that the love I had been so afraid would completely kidnap my heart, was almost gone.

These questions then began flooding from my soul accompanied with revelation…
How could I hide away a love that wasn't there?
What if my future love IS praying for me every day and dreaming of me every night?
What if his heart already belongs to me?
What if God has placed the desire to find love inside my heart because it is my true destiny?
Am I quenching a gift that has been given to me for a purpose?
Does God not create who we are, even the deep place from whence comes our hopes and dreams?

Then I knew. 
I had shut it all out near to completion.
I had put a damper on my dreams as a reaction to fear.
And so I began the process of finding that love again, then carefully concealing it as a most precious treasure.

Do I still believe that I should be content where I am, trusting God with the outcome of my future? Absolutely.
But I realize now that it is possible to cradle a hidden and completely unexplainable love without riding on the wings of wild emotion. 
Even though I don't know his name and have never even seen his face.

Not only can I trust God with the path of my life, but I can also trust him to remove desires and hopes that are not of Him.
Because God is my first love, I can dream of love.

It is all about finding that balance between the extremities of contentment and desire.

contentment |kənˈtentmənt| nouna state of happiness and satisfaction:
desire |dəˈzī(ə)r| nouna strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen:
It takes daily prayer to the God of great grace to come to that beautiful place.
I'm not saying that everyday in the life of a single person (like myself) will be always filled with roses and rainbows.
What I am saying is that if you take the time to ask Him, God will fill up the empty spaces in your heart with an unconditional, awesome and powerful love.
So that you will be left with a powerful contentment with the present, along with an intense hope for the future.

Monday, March 3, 2014

Sunday, March 2, 2014

One more...

Mom and Dad,

This time has gone by both extremely fast and excruciatingly slow.
In a way it seems like forever ago that we said goodbye… yet it is hard to believe that it has actually been a whole ten days.

We went to church this morning. 
Beforehand Ker made baked oatmeal for the kids for breakfast 
and Mikaya got her turn to open her gift.

After church we went out for lunch at DQ with friends...

We. had. a. blast.

I'm quite sure that Pastor T had the most fun though…

We even were able to get a picture of Joanna smiling with her eyes open for the camera :)

We arrived home safe and sound, and promptly spend the rest of the day doing some relaxing.

Tomorrow is the day we get to see your faces again.
It couldn't come soon enough!
We will be praying for safe (and fun!) travels!

Love you, miss you!

Saturday, March 1, 2014

Cleaning Day...

Mom and Dad,

The bulk of our day was spent house cleaning and catching up with laundry,
the remainder playing games and watching videos.

It was frightfully cold outside, so there was not much else that we could do.

Kerri made a new pizza recipe for lunch (it was really yummy!)

Zachary was the receiver of a gift today.
The kids have now gotten into a routine of asking me over and over and over again who's turn it is to open their gift first thing in the morning. Even the kids that have already had their turn.
Definitely a highlight of their day!

Zach sculpted this masterpiece especially to show you.
Aren't the ducks so cute?!?!

Everyone is going to bed earlier then what has been normal tonight because we are planning on attending church tomorrow.
Right now Ker is running on the treadmill, and I'm about to take a turn as well before hitting the hay.

And speaking of which I'm going to go don my running shoes.
Only two more sleeps left!!

Love you, miss you!