These past couple of days I have found myself struggling in a deep place.
God has been teaching me how to let go, trying to get me to a place of complete surrender.
But I still find myself on the fence.
I was reading the bible yesterday in search of answers and I came across Hebrews chapter eleven where the writer is talking about faith and begins to list a number of people in history past that had complete faith in God even though they didn't know where it would take them.
The only thing that they knew was that God had given them a treasure called a promise. All they had to do was have faith and keep moving forward.
These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off, and were persuaded of them, and embraced them, and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth.
Even though our forefathers of the faith could not see the promise being fulfilled, they continued to press on, they embraced the unknown.
That is what I feel like I am needing to do right now.
Have faith in the promises He has given to me and move on to that country, even without knowing the final destination.
Yet fear holds me back.
I can control what I know, and I know what I can control.
I am at the place where I can survive, but God is calling me to thrive, not to stand still... but to keep moving forward.
Reading on in Hebrews, we see that these people that lived in faith, chose to be obedient, left their comfort zones, journeyed to a place unknown, and didn't look back...
But now they desire a better country, that is, an heavenly: wherefore God is not ashamed to be called their God: for he hath prepared for them a city.
These people all had to forget the country that they came from in order to seek the country that was better, even though they could not see, they did not have visibility of the promise ahead of them.
That is terrifying for me!
It is hard to give up, to forget even, the comfy couches that I have become accustomed to resting in now.
But He is calling.
But the truth is, I don't know what the day will bring, if my actions will follow my desire.
And I don't know yet if I have enough faith to let go.
But somehow this feels like the first step, admitting that I am weak, that I can't, and I'm not perfect.
Yet also admitting that I am strong, I can and Christ is perfection in me.