Tuesday, February 10, 2015


I sit here trying to think of the perfect words to begin a post entitled "imperfection". Somehow it is the beginning that is always the hardest.
You know the real reason that my blog posts have been infrequent is not always because of lack of time. It is because of my desire for perfection.

I don't like to make mistakes. You could say that I have a fear of failing.
I will hold myself back, not say things when I want to and not be who I really am in front of people because I am scared of messing up.
I sometimes actually write out whole blog posts and then delete them because I am afraid of what people will think of me now that I was honest, or now that I showed them who I really am.

Our pastor preached a message the other Sunday about mistakes and how God isn't baffled by them. God uses our mistakes for His purpose and glory.
Yesterday I went to a young ladies bible study where we learned about how God wants to use our story... even all of our mistakes for His glory.

It is starting to sink in.
If I live my life with the purpose of avoiding failure, I am going to be inadvertently avoiding the purpose that God has for my life. Sure, maybe I won't make as many mistakes, but I am also going to miss out on all the things that I could have accomplished for God.
If I don't try, and just hide in my own "safe" world, then God won't be able to use me. It is an action that always precedes a result.

This has been a lesson that I have struggled to learn for a very long time, and though I have gotten better at it, I am starting to see that I have not come as far as I can. This life is a continuing journey, and I need to continue on that journey.

So, maybe there will be more posts on here that are not so perfect (or... what I deem to be perfect anyway :), maybe there will even be some that make no sense at all. But what I am going to be doing is doing, instead of waiting for the perfect moment, or the perfect words.

There. You have been forewarned :)


Anonymous said...

A life lesson for sure! I can very much relate to you on this... Funny how much we can care about certain people thinking certain things of us, eh?
I know that my journey this past year has been painted over (maybe even sloshed over) with the reality of how much I really, really need God's mercy and grace in my life- and how much the gospel is really about this... again and again as I read and thought about what I was reading I noticed how He truly does make beautiful things out of the dust... Those 'heroes' of the Bible are heroic but I've learned this year that a huge part of what makes them heroic was their willingness to be open and vulnerable with their need for a saviour, with the reality that they had messed up or been hurt in really deep ways and needed something bigger than themselves to get them through it... Oh, and they were willing to try things that seemed scary or may have looked very strange in the eyes of others.
Praying that you continue to grow in awareness of how loved you are by God and how much he desires you to come, just as you are to him.
-Aunty Laura

McKenzie Elizabeth said...

Good reminder for me tonight...Thank you<3

Write on! I'm looking forward to it. ;)

Anonymous said...

Jen, this is such a good word! I definitely face my own fear of failing, and I have been driven by performance. It's a good reminder, thank you!

Kaitlin MW said...

Aww Jennifer, this makes me want to send you a big hug.

It also made me think of an article I read a little while ago that explained how our brains grow more when we are making lots of mistakes, than if we are just repeating what is familiar and getting everything right first try.

Here's the article in case you are interested: https://www.khanacademy.org/about/blog/post/95208400815/the-learning-myth-why-ill-never-tell-my-son-hes

I'm studying drawing and painting right now, and I often chose easier subjects, which I think I will be able to pull off perfectly first try, because I'm afraid of failure, too. :P My fear got so bad at one point, that I pretty much stopped drawing for a year when I was a bit younger. But yeah, as I push myself to try more difficult subjects, I'm learning to accept that mistakes and dud paintings are part of learning, and don't mean that I've failed completely. Rather, I've succeeded in practicing and learning. ;)

My little brother told me that when he wrote his first song he wan't very impressed with it, but he preformed it anyway, and then moved on to the next one. He's always encouraging me to let go of my perfectionism and self-judgement. :P

ANYWAYZ, you aren't alone with this, for sure. And most of our friends and family who love us will be a lot kinder and more understanding towards us than we are to ourselves, eh?

Hope you're keeping warm out there. Here in NB (I'm back in Canada with my family), we've had nothing but snow all month, which is unusual for us! Chloe loves it, because she's been able to get out on the cross-country skis. :)