Thursday, August 6, 2015

Crushing it

When my sisters and I were making the Q&A vlog, we were asked a couple of questions about crushes and how we deal with them. I helped give the quick answer on the vlog because of the time restraint that we had, but I would like to now dig deeper into this topic.

I am not talking about the movie star kind, or the "He/she is cute!" kind. I am talking the real life, "That person is awesome!" kind.

God designed boys to be attracted to girls, men to be attracted to women and vise versa. So naturally, there will be times when you have met a guy or girl and have a continuous stream of thoughts that lead to the conclusion "I like him/her!".

Before becoming eligible for marriage, I was introduced to the concept of courtship and therefore also developed the desire to not only save myself physically for my future spouse, but also to guard my emotions and to regard them as a sacred treasure.
This was easier to do before becoming "of age", but still it was the same battle that I continue to fight now.

Let me say first that I don't think that crushes are a bad thing to have. Shutting off those emotions every time you come across someone that you become attracted to is not the way to go about guarding them.

I think it is a lot like food.
You need to eat to survive, the same as every person needs to feel, and recognize feelings. It is a God given need.
Yet to much food is unhealthy and will cause problems for your future, the same with your emotions.
Until you are certain that he/she is "the one" allowing a guy/girl to consume your thoughts and become the beat of your heart is also unhealthy and could become something that you will regret in your future.

I used to be afraid of crossing that line and of giving to much of my time to thoughts of a certain someone. It took a couple of go-rounds (so to speak) to realize that I was coming through okay. And as I became older I came to know my heart's limits.
Also placing my future into God's hands has helped me to feel almost resilient in this regard. Because of the relationship I have with Jesus, I can come to him with all my dreams, fears, hopes, and feelings and come away with a sense of peace. The thing I challenge myself with whenever I have a "crush" is to throw myself closer to the heart of God and to focus on building my relationship with Him. Sometimes life as a single person can be confusing and just plain hard. But when you have a God that you can call Daddy, it is so much easier to face those feelings and really determine the healthy balance.

One thing that I do to keep my heart in check is I write to my future husband. Not every day, or even every month, but every time I feel especially lonely or even when I am "crushing" on a guy, I tell him about it. It helps me to see the big picture and put everything into perspective. Knowing that my future love is going to read about feelings that I have for this guy or that guy helps me to stay the course, and keeps me accountable.

I try also to make it a habit to pray for my future spouse.
Telling God all that you hope for the special someone in your future makes the desire to be all for that person greater, and lessens the time you would spend thinking needlessly about someone that may never be in your future.

As I already said, I am not advising anyone to flee their feelings. If it is your desire to get married someday, then you are going to need to take the risk of opening up your heart. Just remember to place yourself in the palm of God's hand, and ask Him to protect you as you walk the journey to finding love, and really seek Him, asking Him to guide and direct you.

I am excited for the day when I will finally be able to say "This is the one!" and break open the dam that is now only letting a trickle of emotion through. Because I know that the day that I can allow myself to love a man without reservation, is the day that I will really be thankful for all the hard work that I am doing now to save all that I can for the one who claims my heart.

Finally be reminded that our life here on this earth is about more than what will make us happy. If we keep God at the center of all that we think and feel, He will protect our hearts, mend all that is broken and show us His perfect will.

Then all of your dreams will come true because your desires will become what He desires for you.


Mandy said...

Jen, this is a brilliant post! I highly respect you for the Godly young woman you are! The man that the Lord has picked for you is a blessed one indeed!

godly-young-widow said...

I was hoping you were going to do a post like that. One thing about crushes, they keep happening no matter how old you are or your stage of life. And I have had to give those feelings to God every time. It IS nice to be liked; I never outgrow that. Prayers can go around in cycles of praying for the person I'm crushing on or is crushing on me, to deliberately doing something else or thinking something else. Being human is SO complicated. And I'm still learning more. In my weakness, God is strong. Thanks for sharing; may this post encourage many others