Tuesday, November 17, 2015

The reason I stay

I am sitting here in blissful silence. Actually... it was blissful silence two seconds ago. Now I am listening to one of my sisters (who will not be named) burping like a million times at the top of the stairs.
There. Now it is... oh wait. Never mind.  
* Leaves to go see why little brother is crying.
Well, I can always hope for a little bit of silence right!? Apparently there will be none of it right now though as the little kiddoes are "going to bed" in the next room. :)
Such is the life of living in a large family.

It may have occurred to all of you that I never write posts about why I stay at home. Why I choose to live with my family instead of venturing out and finding myself, by myself in this wild wonderful world.

I know that it is the unspoken question that burns in some people's minds when they see me, twenty-four years old with no college education, no career, seemingly no calling.
I guess I have not written about it because it is difficult to explain without the label of "stay at home daughter". I dislike that title because it has become so misrepresented, and so distasteful.

When I come across someone new that asks me what I do for a living and I tell them about the way that I live, the reactions I get are often disturbing. Though most try to hide it, they act like they are disgusted with the idea that I, as a single collage/career age woman, am still living with my family.
I guess this has caused a bit of insecurity for me over the years and I did at a point in my life question whether I was doing the right thing by remaining at home.
I started to freak out when I looked back at my life and saw a lot of nothing, and felt like I wasn't doing my part in God's kingdom.

It took a lot of soul searching for me to come to peace with this season that I am called to live. It took a lot of prayers and tears to reach the place that I feel like I can write about this with firm conviction.

Now let me begin by saying this.
This is MY calling.
This is not something that I preach, because I want everyone to live in a way that God has called them to live. And the reason I am writing this post is because I want everyone to see beyond the surface and into the heart of why I do what I do and why I am who I am.

Family values. They are so important. My dad is the head of our home, he is the one that answers to God for our big crazy family. It is important to him that his daughters remain under his protection until they can be placed under the headship of another man through the covenant of marriage.
Now, before you all start throwing the rotten tomatoes and make accusations about brain washings and equality and such, let me say my piece.

To me, this home is not a prison. It is not a place that I am held against my will. I was not forced to accept the fact that I was to remain at home.
This is something that I want.
This is a season in which I am called to stand still.

I used to be afraid that maybe I was taking the easy way out. But you know, this is hard. It is not easy to stand strong and stay even though the world and all it's expectations of young woman these days are flowing past me in a rush to live fast and loud.
It takes courage to go against every thing that the world is screaming I must do.

I have been learning so much this past little while. And one of those things is to grab hold of every season that I am in and live it to the very fullest.
Some may feel sorry for me, and hope for better things for me. But I am learning that each season is a gift, and it will always be what I make of it.

I am very aware that one day I will wake up and find that this season is over and it is time to move on. I realize that this is a very unique time in which I have an opportunity to give my heart and soul completely to knowing Christ and building a foundation in Him which I will rely upon to stand strong, to build upon for the rest of my life.

I see God's wisdom in His calling. There are things that I needed (and still need) to work on in my life that demanded my full attention.
A quiet heart.
A still mind.

My biggest revelation of late is that living for God does not necessarily always mean that I should be doing something physical for Him that has visible results, something that has a big impact on this world. Sometimes living for Him requires quiet obedience and full surrender. Living in faith until I can see that next step.
My life right now may seem like it is on hold to those outside looking in. But what they can't see is the growth that is taking place in my heart. The spiritual preparation for the journey that He will take me on in the next season of my life.

And so I am happily here. Where I firmly believe God has called me to be at this time.
Now the house is truly quiet as the entire family has gone to snuggle with their blankets and pillows in their warm, cozy beds.
Which, now that I mentioned it, sounds quite amazing.
Oh, hear that?
It is my bed calling my name.

1 comment:

Kait said...

What a lovely photograph. I like the way your hair kind of matches stalks. You have hair of the fields, prairie woman.

I'll write more on your *new* blog. :)