Friday, January 29, 2016

Setting the Standard

You know the typical chick flick movie.
Girl wonders if prince charming exists, or if he is simply a fictional being living in the hopeful mind.
Girl almost finds herself settling for less than the best when suddenly appears prince charming himself. Though there is always a happy ending, the question remains throughout the movie, "Is this real?".

And it is the question that many single people ask. Is the one I am dreaming of real? Or should I lower my standards and just marry second best because of the doubt that he/she actually exists.

Standards. I've got some. And I think it is healthy for single people who desire marriage to figure out what is important to them when it comes to the person that they want to spend the rest of their lives with.
Some people would say that my standards are high. And I guess they are. It may be a lot for me to expect a guy to be big enough to put his heart on the line to tell my family about his feelings for the girl that he wants to get to know. Especially considering that I have quite a few brothers looking out for me. ;)
But this is what is important to me. Because it is the best way for me to know without a doubt that he cares about me. And having my families support and input is the best way for me to be able to see beyond my heart's feelings and to see what is really there. Right from the beginning.

If there is anything that I have learned from viewing other relationships it is this - don't stray from your standards. No matter how impossibly high they may seem to be.
Pray about them, change them only if God leads you to. Stand firm. Don't let the fear of growing old without meeting that special someone blind you. Trust Him. I promise it will be worth the wait.

Beyond the standards there are desires. Certain things that may not really matter a whole lot, are not a deal breaker so-to-speak, but are what you really hope for.

My brother-in-law Henry has an amazing testimony about how God brought his wife (my sister obvs.) into his life. And how, even though he had to wait longer than he planned, he got what he prayed for.
*If you want to listen to his story go to lighthouse podcasts and listen to the one titled "Testimony of Marriage"*
One of the things that he has taught me is not to be afraid to tell God what you want. Those things that you hope for, big or small, nothing is impossible for Him. Ask God to mold your future spouse.
It may sound selfish, but if you were a father, wouldn't you want your children to tell you what they want? We were not made to be mindless. He gave us desires.

Then turn it around. Those things that God is tugging on your heart to do/change...could that be what your future spouse is praying for? I think about this often when I feel that nudge.

God is preparing you, He is preparing me.
We can only imagine what He has in store for those who patiently wait, and seek Him in the waiting.


Kaitlin W. said...

I agree that it is important to define our values as an individual before finding a partner, and that maturing is generally a good idea. :P

I think the flip side is, if (ahaha "if," as if anyone won't) a person still has insecurities or areas where he or she needs to grow, the right marriage partner absolutely will encourage this. At least, this is true in my experience. xD

My husband urges me to work hard in my areas of interest, and not give up because I am not perfect at something right away. His encouragement has made such a huge difference to my self confidence. This is just one area where marriage has helped me mature, but I could share others that involve clashes of personality, which are less idylic. :P (I'd share those in person/private, not online, cause, y'know...)

Anyhoo, what you said about wanting to be with someone who shares little things that matter to you, is super important. I always hoped I woud end up with another bookworm, and when my husband and I first met, he told me to read one of his favourite short stories, which I enjoyed a lot. It was a good start. We now go to book sales together. :)

Oh I have some news I want to share with yoooou. I'm gonna send ya an email at some point when I get around to it.

Also, last part of this overlong comment, I didn't listen to the podcast, but I read Megan and Henry's love story thing on their blog ages ago, and it's so adorable.

McKenzie Elizabeth said...

Excellent, Jen! Praying for God to bring the perfect man for you in His timing. You will be an amazing wife!

McKenzie Elizabeth said...

oh...and that photo're gorgeous. ;)