Letting Go

Guys, I'm about to be real vulnerable. So much so that I don't even know if I will be able to click that publish button. If you are reading this right now, it is a victory.

So, you all know that we have been through some hard times lately. After all things settled down, and life began to find a new normal, I found myself having a hard time getting it right. You know, like setting things straight in my life, and being able to do battle again. To climb the mountains and move forward.
I felt stuck, and I didn't know why.

Have you ever seen in movies where the characters have a physical breakthrough before being set free from what is holding them down? I never really understood that. I never thought that I would ever need to do that.

But one day recently, I began to think about all that was bothering me, I began to dig deep into my soul and pull out the real problem.
I found that what was hurting me the most in the moment was the feeling of betrayal. The feeling of losing someone that I cared about more than I would ever have admitted. I hadn't mourned my loss. I hadn't let go of it. And because it was all stuffed inside my chest, I was held back, maybe even thrown backwards because I hadn't dealt with it yet. I hadn't cried, I hadn't found a release.

Even just thinking about it all now is bringing me to tears, because it still hurts. It still tears at my heart. This is hard to write, but I think it is also part of my healing.

I took out something that represented well this friendship. I marred part of it with my goals. I hung it in a place that would remind me that I need to move forward, and not allow it to hold me back.
Then I ripped, and tore, and wept.

There was something about physically letting go. Physically bringing closure. Physically bringing an end to something that I cherished and treasured.
It brought release.
Finally I was able to move again, to breathe again.

Now, I continue to mourn, but at least I can heal. At least it is not holding me back anymore. It doesn't mean that it is ok, but it means that one day it will be.

If you feel stuck today, ask God to show you what that root problem is, then ask Him to show you how to let it go.
It is painful, it isn't fun, but you will feel so much better once you have released it.

Grace will hold you, and carry you higher.